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kismet_loop_logs2014-12-02 12:48 am
And we take, take, take it for granted that we’ll be the same
When: Backdated to just after escaping from the chaos following Galos' defeat
Where: Where the group ended up after fleeing, outside the city with the battlefield still in clear view
What: Lea and Elsa have their first lover's spat.... in full view of everyone. Awkwaaaaaard...
Warnings: Anger, guilt, various other feels. Discussion of nasty and violent things that happened during the event.
When the rumbling behind them finally stopped and the group finally came to a halt, Lea took a moment to catch his breath, bracing one hand against a nearby rock for support. he was almost surprised to realize that he was still holding one of the Eternal Flames in that hand and he ended up staring at it for a moment, as if unsure why it was there, before dismissing it. The part of his mind that was still working logically told him that he was probably somewhat in shock. Everything was just fuzzy and it was taking awhile for his heart and mind to catch up after his body had been forced into frantic flight.
When things did catch up a few moments later, though, he almost wished they hadn't. 'Flit... her name was Flit. And I... I...' There had been no choice. He knew that. Somehow, that didn't help at all. In fact, it made things worse. 'She shouldn't have had to die.' And with what had happened, he wouldn't even get to roast the bastard that had caused it all. Not that it would have changed anything. But oh, how he wanted to. All this, and for what? Some deluded attempt at controlling Darkness? Lea almost managed a bitter laugh, but it died in his throat. Somethings, it seemed, were the same no matter what world you were in.
Lea sighed. Attempting to collect himself. Two things he needed to do right away. The first and foremost was to find Elsa and make sure she was alright. There hadn't been time for even a glance before fleeing for their lives from the collapse of Galos' dreams of power, and with all this ice and snow around, she had to be there somewhere.
And the second... was to take a long shower. Possibly more than one. He could still feel the thick, clinging Darkness in that cave on him, as if it had seeped into his skin. He almost imagined hie could smell it on himself. He couldn't was away the memories, wouldn't even if he could, but that smell and that feeling... those were an uncomfortable reminder of dark deed both past and present, and he was intent on washing until he got rid of them.
But first thing was first. "Elsa?", he called out as he straightened up and looked around, trying to spot her.
[[OOC Note: While this post is technically open to everyone, I would ask everyone to post separate sub-threads for other characters interacting. They're free to notice when the argument starts to get heated, (level of reaction from Lea and Elsa may very) but I'd rather keep the main thread between the two of them. Thanks! :3]]
no subject
Slightly less snowblind, Elsa wonders what's happened. Further observation answers her question. He's gone. Galos is gone. He's gone, and she didn't end it. She didn't stop him; what did?
She didn't know where Lea was, she'd never gotten it out of him. Marshmallow marches back over to his keeper, curious as to why she seems so sad. What's wrong, Elsa? Shrinking away from her creation, he sits, pouting, before pieces of him begin to fall back into the snow. Sooner rather than later, he's naught but a snow bank.
Elsa holds her head in frustration. She did it again. She'd let it all out and she lost control, again. She lost control and now she was going to start all over. Her train of thought continues to spiral downward, the tips of her fingers white with power.
You'll never be the same.
Your rage took control.
You're a danger.
You were vengeful.
You justified violence, and sought to fight it with your ice.
You wanted to kill someone, and you were okay with it.
Why?
Lea.
Because she was scared, she was scared for Lea, and the very idea of her fear becoming anger and vengeance shook her more than any temperature could.
You're the monster they thought you always would be, that you thought you always were.
You're a monster.
The deeper her thoughts spiral, the more intense the wind becomes. She stumbles, trying to keep the feelings of distrust, the feelings of self loathing and despair from continuing. But it all came back to 'You failed, and now you're dangerous. You can never see him again.'
The solid ice under her feet becomes black, permafrost crawling over the top of it. Shaking her head, she falls to her knees, trying to find some semblance of control over her power, over her feelings. She thinks of Anna, but her sister cannot help her this time.
Sitting in her silence, nearly moved to tears, she observes where her thoughts go with Anna.
Anna.
Sister.
Danger?
No. She saved her sister, Anna, whom she longed to protect from her powers at all costs, and she did. Who else did she show that same sentiment to, just now, with such fervor?
Lea.
She was scared she lost Lea; harbinger of control over the ice and snow. Her opposite and yet, her only familiar. Just like she was scared she lost Anna so long ago.
Gods, she was in love with him, and she'd just accepted the fact that she was okay with using her powers to kill.
"No, nonono. No." And she can't hear him over the echoes of her demons.
no subject
Stepping rather gingerly- his feet were beginning to protest all the running over rough terrain he'd had to do sans boots- he headed toward it, only to stumble a bit as the wind buffeted him when he got close. "Elsa?", he called again, this time shouting to make sure he was heard. He thought he could see her sitting in the center of her personal blizzard, though he couldn't be sure. Was she hurt? Was that why she was afraid? "Elsa, it's me! Are you OK?"
no subject
The wind momentarily stills; the flurries of flakes finally stop mid-flight, and she can see him on the other side of them. He's okay. Lea's okay, and she stands with the most pained expression on her face. she's happy to see him, of course, especially after his disappearance. But---
You're a monster.
"Lea, I---I'm fine. Just---" she pauses, hoping to maintain the distance. The wind picks up again at her hesitance.
"Please, just stay right there. Don't. Don't come any closer."
Her voice cracks mid sentence, now quite aware of how hard that was to say again.
"Are...Are you alright?"
no subject
He advanced only two steps, though before noticing her pained expression, relief slowly turning to confusion. Was she OK? Or was she hurt in some way that he couldn't see? He paused, frowning in concern, before continuing. Her next statement, though brings him to a halt, even the wind picks up again.
"What?", he blurted out a bit lamely at first. "Why? Cause of this?" He indicates the mini snowstorm around them. "I've told you before, a little snow won't hurt me." True, it wasn't exactly pleasant standing in the magically generated wind and snow, but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. He thought Elsa knew that.
Her question is... complicated, though, and it takes a moment for him to answer. "I'll live," he finally responded. 'Wish I could say the same for Flit.' "Bumped, bruised, badly in need of a good shower, but no serious injuries."
"And are you sure you're fine?", he said, frown deepening. "Cause you don't sound 'fine'." The mini-snowstorm was definitely not an indicator of being 'fine' either, but that was obvious enough that he figured it went without saying.
no subject
"Yes! Yes. I'm...I'm not hurt. Or anything." she musters up, still looking like every word is poisonous and just horrible to form.
"Please, Lea, just don't." A sharp gust of wind blows past her and she gasps, suddenly cursing her inability to maintain control. Her inner dialogue kept cycling from 'Go to him.' onto 'You're dangerous.' and back to 'Stay away from him.' and it only made her more and more frustrated & hopeless. But she couldn't just leave him standing there.
"I lost control again." she utters. "I lost you, and then I lost control." It's much easier to explain after getting that bit out, the panic really setting in now.
"I----I wanted to find you, find him, I didn't know what I was thinking, I was so upset! I...I can't do this again! I won't!"
no subject
But apparently she was having none of it, as he's forced to shield his face briefly from a sharp gust of wind and the snow it carried with it. "I think anybody'd be upset about something like that," he said. 'Upset' was definitely one way of describing his emotional state at the moment. "And I can tell you really let loose out there, but that happens sometimes in a fight; sometimes there's no time to think, just act and react."
"But if there's something wrong, let me help!", he said. He tried not to have it sound like a plea, but was only partially successful. His mind simply would not allow him to entertain the idea of potentially losing Elsa on top of everything else. Not like this. "That's what I'm here for. We got your powers under control once, we can do it again."
He stepped forward almost with out meaning to, wanting to emphasize that he was there for her. She had to understand, right? "You don't have to protect me from this. I'm not afraid."
no subject
"I don't want to hurt you, Lea, I can't, I won't, and if it means never seeing you again---" the thought accompanying her speech actually makes her voice crack again, leading to some obvious tears.
"I'm a monster, just like they said I was, and all I did was prove it." Her fear was greater than her love, and it's made her stop sharply, almost crouching.
no subject
"How does fighting a guy who was trying to kill you and a bunch of other people make you a monster?", he said. "You used your powers to fight before, back before we came here and didn't seem to have any problem with it. How's this any different?"
no subject
Buckling at the waist, she holds herself in an effort to feel herself physically holding back.
"He----he took you, and I didn't know what I was going to do. All I knew was that I was ready to kill him in order to find out. That doesn't scare you?"
no subject
The last question, though, strikes a nerve, and frustration begins to shift to real anger. "Given that I had my heart ripped out of my chest at age 14 then spent the next decade and more as a thing that was never even supposed to exist, fighting creatures made of pure darkness, I'm gonna say no. The idea of you wanting to kill that bastard doesn't scare me." Normally, the words would be light and sarcastic; here and now, though they're sharp and angry. And though he hasn't noticed it yet, the flying snowflakes seem to be having a harder time reaching him as heat begins to rise around him...
"In fact, if I could do it, I'd bring him back to life just so I could have a chance to roast him myself. Axel killed for way less than what that horn-headed asshole did. Whatever you were planning to do, trust me, the bastard deserved it."
1/2
She shakes her head slowly, still fighting back her emotions, her inner voice yelling at her to run, to leave him alone, not to hurt him. Her inner turmoil telling her she was a monster, and she wasn't fit for him or even Anna.
I'm scared. rings true throughout her stages of life, her childhood, her teens, and now. She was scared for Anna, scared for her parents and now scared for Lea. She again, tried to fight the fear with Anna's laughter, Anna's singing, the idea of her sister's wedding and it didn't work. She actually cried. Crying didn't help things, but it did let the fear out somewhere. Clutching at her skirt, feeling so helpless against herself, the idea that someone was still there, watching her, Lea none the less...it made the dull ache in her chest that much worse. She worried how much power she was holding back this time. Her frustration with Anna didn't kill her---but it almost did.
"Why can't you see?" she murmured. "I could do that very same thing, I could freeze your heart, and I---I don't want to, Lea, I..." She wiped the tears away from her cheek in an attempt to keep her wits abut her. They were soon replaced with new ones.
"I love you, and everyone I've ever loved has died or nearly died because of me. That should scare you." For this whole time, she'd been so focused on him, his expressions, and the way he looked at her. Now she was less frightened of herself, and more frightened that she'd just dropped the ball.
2/2
Swallowing hard, she wants to turn, wants to leave, but she can't.
He's flickering. Something under him flickers and her attention is suddenly grabbed from where it was.
Nothing else really made sense in the moment she had to think about it, but she had an inking. Lea had better control over his powers than she did. Infinitely better.
And there's not any possible way he could be doing it on purpose.
Suddenly she feels so small, her fears seemed so insignificant, so helplessly wrong.
"You're going to catch fire." she mumbles, any and all further argument dying in it's tracks.
1/2
Frustration and hurt just fed the anger, which in turn fed the flames growing beneath his feet, and- less visibly- on his hands and forearms. Had he not been so focused on Elsa, he probably would have noticed the change in temperature. But he did not. All he could feel was his own roiling emotions. His surroundings were all but forgotten; nothing mattered but himself, Elsa, and the exchange going on between them.
"You think I haven't hurt people I loved?", he said. "I've lost two best friends 'cause of my own stupidity!" Abruptly the image of those sad blue eyes flickered through his mind again. The same eyes that had briefly overlaid Flit's, eyes at once familiar and not. The image was gone almost the instant it appeared though, and he was in no state to try to grasp it. "Being close to me is just as dangerous."
2/2
He hadn't even noticed. He hadn't done magic accidentally in years, so what...? He blinked as understanding dawned. Anger. His fire was fed by his anger, just as Elsa's ice was fed by her fear. But why now? He'd been angry before after getting his heart back, and this hadn't happened. He needed time to figure this out. He needed... he...
He needed to get away. Away from this place. Away from the others, whose presence he'd suddenly become aware of again, their eyes he could feel on him. And as much as it hurt, away from Elsa. Before either of them did something they'd both regret.
"Fire can't hurt me," Lea said, turning his gaze back to Elsa. "Least of all my own fire." It might have been a reassurance, but it came out hard and rather sharp. A sharp motion of his arms, like someone trying to shake off water, and the flames flickered and died, firmly under his control again.
He turned away. Maybe not looking at her would make this easier. "Fine," he said, his tone not softening in the slightest. "You wanna hide away from everyone and everything again, go right ahead. Cause ya know, that's always been so helpful before, right? You know where to find me if you change your mind."
"I'm outta here." A sharp gesture to the air immediately in front of him, and a Dark Corridor appeared. Using one while in such a turbulent emotional state- and without his Black Coat- probably wasn't the best idea. But right now he couldn't bring himself to care very much.
no subject
Why was it so easy for her to lose control, and not him? The realization adds weight to her shoulders; she did this to him. She caused his break in control, and that fuels the proverbial fire that makes her worry, makes her fear, and makes her push herself further away. She can actually feel the heat for a moment, before the frost builds on her fingertips in an attempt to keep it away.
His statement about people he loved---no, that's not what she meant, but she doesn't get her words in edgewise. Her expression continues to deteriorate, the surprise slowly turning back into pain and hopelessness.
Finally, what makes her open her mouth to retort is the way he writes her off; something else wells up inside her. It's not fear, in fact, it's akin to his own anger. Hurt, even. It travels from the pit of her stomach, making her feel sick, bringing a cold, cold feeling into the pit of her chest, like she was going to turn into ice, like Anna had. Spirals and swirls of magic lick the edges of her feet, her cape, the colors and patterns changing without her knowledge. No, she was much too focused on Lea.
Her heart froze, and she didn't feel anything after he'd stepped through the corridor. The ice and snow suddenly died mid flight, and it was much easier now to walk away; to climb this planets mountain now, and make her home there like she had before, twice.